


Of Understanding Love and Pain

by slytherakin



Category: X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Charles is a Martyr, Charles loves Erik too much, Cherik - Freeform, Happy ending (?), I was crying when I wrote this, I'm Sorry, M/M, There is still hope for Cherik to be canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 18:01:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2238279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherakin/pseuds/slytherakin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Charles met Erik, he finally understood the consequences of love and pain that brought him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Understanding Love and Pain

**Author's Note:**

  * For [youngavengers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/youngavengers/gifts).



> STEF! THIS IS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE MY CHERIK SOULMATE. And you like basically understand all of my Cherik/FassAvoy feels. Love yah!
> 
> This fic wasn't supposed to happen. I was writing a porn Cherik fic (which I plan to finish) but I got stuck cos I ran out of words. Then, I remember the thing Stef and I were talking about how Charles is such a selfless man and that he wouldn't want Erik to feel the pain he had after Cuba and blah blah blah and that resulted to us crying in tears. So, I found myself writing this while crying.
> 
> I blame Stef for making me cry even more when she tweeted to me the lyrics of The Lumineers' Ho Hey which said "You belong with me, I belong with you, you're my sweetheart." She said that this would be one line that Erik would tell Charles and I just bursted into ugly tears. 
> 
> I also watched the scene where Charles and Erik first met in X-Men: FC and as well as the divorce scene in Cuba. It was really painful to watch. Every Cherik shipper would agree with me.
> 
> And, here's my Cherik playlist (so far) which I was listening to while writing this.
> 
> Kodaline - All I Want  
> Kodaline - High Hopes  
> The Lumineers - Ho Hey  
> Ingrid Michaelson - Can't Help Falling In Love  
> Imagine Dragons - Bleeding Out  
> Mika - Happy Ending  
> Christina Perri - The Words  
> Sam Smith - Stay With Me  
> A Great Big World - Say Something  
> Rascall Flatts - What Hurts The Most
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways, I hope you, guys, like this short fic. This is my first Cherik story and I'm quite proud of what I had done since angst has always been my genre.
> 
> Read and review! (P.S. Forgive me if there are any errors.)

* * *

  **Of Understanding Love and Pain**

 

 _“There's more than what the eyes can see, the heart can love, and the brain can understand.”_  
_― Louise Philippe Dulay_

When Charles Xavier was a child, he never had the chance to experience what love really is. He did but it was only for a short time. He was very young when his father passed away. He could still remember how he would cry himself at night, clinging to that one beautiful memory of his dear father. He blamed the world for taking his father away from him – the only person that showed the world to him. Brian Xavier was the one who enlightened his mind into the wonderful things in life.

And, of course, there was his mother. Charles knew that she loves him. But, it wasn’t enough. She never showed him. She never made him feel like she was her son. So, Charles kept himself occupied with his books and studies and learning how to control his telepathy – which at first, freaked him out.

Raven came into his life when he was 12. She was blue and beautiful and scared when he found her in the kitchen. He knew he wasn’t just the only one who was unique. And Raven, whom he learned how to love as his sister, was the most unique of them all. Her mutation amazed him so much. It made him think of how many of them are out there with special abilities just like him.

They grew up making fond memories together. Charles could have never been happier even though Cain Marko made both of their lives a living hell.

Then came Erik Lehnsherr. The man who left a big hole of emptiness in Charles’ life.

The first time they met, he knew. Erik was the one. It was love at first sight. He didn’t believe it cliché things like you see in the movies but when he delved deep into Erik's mind – when he knew everything about him – that was the time when Charles understood what _love_ is.

There were consequences in being in love. If there is love, there is bound to be pain. They always come together. You can’t feel love without feeling the pain of it. And Charles felt every single pain there is about loving Erik Lehnsherr.

However, Charles was very optimistic about life. He always looked on the brighter side of things. Even the littlest things in life, he sees the good in them. There were so much kindness in Erik’s heart that only Charles saw. That was how he understood Erik. That understanding turn into love.

Saving Erik from drowning that night was the best decision he made.

_You’re not alone, Erik. You’re not alone._

Stopping him from leaving the CIA headquarters was the one thing Charles didn’t regret.

_What do you know about me?_

_Everything._

Everything - from Erik’s past, his childhood, to his darkest and deepest secrets. Still Charles accepted him. Erik was just like him. Alone. Lonely. _Hurting._ Charles wanted to be the one who could change it and take all his pain away.

That is why Charles didn’t stop himself from falling in love with a man whom he knew from the beginning that the ending of their story wouldn’t be like any other fairy tale. They both have different views of the world they lived in. They believed in their people’s rights. But Erik’s ideologies vary from his. Charles couldn’t live with that. It was painful for him.

Yet our dear Charles hold on to that _hope_ that Erik might change his mind. He was, after all, the better man that Charles loved. _And still loves._

He _knew_ what was bound to happen. He had already accepted their fate during their last night together before Cuba. It was their first and last night together. Charles didn’t think twice and gave himself fully to Erik.

Then, it happened.

It wasn’t the bullet in his spine that had hurt him. It wasn’t the loss of his legs that left a hole in his heart. _It_ was the fact that Erik had left him there. It was the _painful reality_ he had to face every day. In times when he needed him the most were the times Erik silently reminded him of going back to being alone again. He went back to that little child who didn’t understand how love and pain worked. That little child who cried himself to sleep, hoping that for just a while everything was just a dark nightmare he couldn’t escape.

 _Stay with me._ _I don’t want you to go. I need you._ _Please._

It was useless. Charles begged those words into oblivion.

Raven’s loss brought an ache to his heart.

But Erik’s loss was the equivalent of Charles losing half of his soul. The scariest part of it was letting Erik go.

Then, Charles gave up. He gave up his mutation so he could walk again. He gave up his dreams of making a better world. He gave up what Charles Xavier was supposed to be. He lived with alcohol and in a sober life.

If it weren’t for his three remaining students, he would’ve gone mad from the loneliness.

When they saw each other again, it was in 1973. A man named Logan had brought them together. However, things between them were already different. So much different.

 _It’s nice to see you again, old friend._ Charles' heart felt like it had been ripped apart from his chest. _Old friend_. He was nothing but an old friend. If he had his telepathy back, he would want Erik to feel those years of pain and isolation. He would want him to know how much it cost Erik to leave him. He would want Erik to _see_ his suffering.

But then again, Charles was a selfless man. No matter the agony and the hurt and the emptiness he felt, he had loved Erik too much that he was still willing to swallow the thorns of anguish in his throat. He was a martyr and a stupid man when it comes to loving Erik.

_You abandoned me!_

They were the only words that left out of his mouth.

 _You were the thing that meant the most to me._ Was just whispered silently in his own mind.

_I’m sorry, Charles. For everything._

And that was it. That was all it took for Charles to forgive Erik. Even without his telepathy, he felt Erik’s sincerity. There was longing in Erik’s eyes when he said it. The pity, he didn't mind.

Funny how Charles immediately accepted Erik’s apology. But who are we to judge him? He was a mad man in love with the idea of love and pain itself. He completely understood the concept of him and Erik hurting each other because they love each other.

What happened after was pretty much the same. Just like Cuba, Erik left. Charles let him go. Again. There is love. There is still hope. But there's no happy ending.

He went back to his wheelchair. He started all over again with Hank and the others. It was a new beginning.

Still, there was this little spark of _hope_ that Erik would come _home_ to him. He still hoped that his love would be the light to guide Erik back to him – to where he truly belongs. To Charles.

Yes, Charles can wait. He would wait. No matter how long it would take. He doesn’t care for he believes that home is where the heart really is.

_Because Charles is to Erik, and Erik is to Charles._

 

_FIN_

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly don't know what to feel about the ending. I had different one in my head but it turned out like this. But, anyway, thank you for your time reading this! I appreciate it very much. Kudos and reviews are welcome here! Don't be shy. Tell me what you think, yeah?
> 
> And, if anyone wants to suggest me a song for my Cherik playlist, feel free to comment below and I'll listen to it!
> 
> xoxo


End file.
